It ain't easy being Jewish, especially if there's something about you that makes you "different." For example, even though most of my life I've been in the Conservative Movement, I had to turn to the Reform Movement which is progressive enough to ordain gays and lesbian students. I find that I'm still attracted to praying in communities where most of the people prefer davening what could be considered the more traditional liturgy. Yet often in those environments I remind myself that they are institutions that formally will not let me serve as a rabbi--either get an education in their seminaries nor be part of their rabbinic professional body.

What is so IRKSOME is the hypocrisy of it all. One of the main conservative opponents of gay and lesbian ordination is the current chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary, who will be leaving next year after a 20 year stewardship. And oh yeah--a forty million dollar deficit. Taking a hard line halachic position on the gay and lesbian issue, no one hoped that there would be any hope for change while he was in his position and controlled both the Seminary and a number of "votes" on the committee that arbitrates issues of Jewish law for the conservative movement. The Torah also speaks to ethical behavior in business transactions. I don' know the details of this deficit, but it does not appear to be responsible financial stewardship to have to sell buildings and/or land to make the institution whole.

What bothers me the most, I think, is that the whole discussion negates the humanity of the issue: it is an issue with ramifications for real human beings. Not only gay and lesbian Jews, but their parents, siblings, friends, and extended families. To be fair, there are wonderful souls within the Conservative Movement that are completely committed to changing this policy, including Rabbis Brad Artson and Elliott Dorff here on the West Coast.

Which is why I'm grateful to the Reform movement for making it possible for me to follow my dream. The Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion is a wonderful place with an excellent faculty and under the leadership of a wonderful man, Rabbi David Ellenson. I'm learning what I need to be a successful rabbi (I hope). Perhaps during the period of my rabbinate the Conservative Movement will open its gates--perhaps the chancellors "choice" to step down is the beginning of a fresh wind blowing into the movement.

The type of congregation that I'd like to work in will be one with a strong prayer community, a commitment to both learning and action, and a commitment to Jewish life both at the synagogue and at home. Now, the question one could ask is: why am I brooding about this now? And the answer is: I don't know. I'll see what's available when it's time for working--I still have two more years of school (and student loans!) I think that what's going on is a tension where I want to be observant, yet at the same time, those who are more observant are not necessarily the places that would want me to serve as their rabbi because of sexuality. Perhaps I'm projecting. But it's worth thinking about now.

So even with as much as I've learned over the past three years, and all of the learning that I've done before that, I'm still feeling inadequately educated for the role of rabbi. Of all the Jews in the world, only a small number actually become rabbi and teacher in Israel. It feels like a holy and awesome responsibility. Specifically, I'm feeling the need to do a LOT more rabbinic literature, especially Talmud and related materials. I need to do a significant amount of work on my Biblical literacy (like the order of the Torah portions, what happens in each, who the people are, etc.), as well as the prophets and the writings. I know that there will always be books to use as reference, but there are some baseline pieces of information that I just feel are critical to know.

This fall I'll be taking a class at the University of Judaism in the psalms. I understand that there will be quite a bit of work in actually learning them by heart and knowing the Hebrew--Great.

I know that "authenticity" is important when it's your job to interpret and bring people closer to the Jewish tradition (even in modernity), but I'm not sure how I'll get the baseline education that is necessary in the two years that are left. Perhaps this kind of brooding is an important part of thinking about how I'll shape the next two years where almost all of my classes are electives.

Today I heard David Ellenson speak to the incoming communal service students, and he spoke about our job is to help bring moderns to Judaism--religiously, culturally. Which is not so easy when you think about it, since individuals in modernity build their identities on their individual autonomy. Even within that autonomy, there is an anti-nominian tendency--this means anti-law (Jewish law) tendency. Yet Rabbi Ellenson spoke that societies and peoples don't organize themselves based on everyone doing whatever the heck they want to do. We have laws. So, too, does Judaism. As liberal Jews, we don't have to "throw out the baby with the bathwater." We can look to the halacha, the Jewish law, and interpret it for our modern circumstance. But law is the framework through which Judaism has been interpreted since the rabbinic period, and much of what we do and cherish as tradition comes out of evolving Jewish law.

As you might note, I'm working out my own relationship to Jewish law. I don't interpret it as the Orthodox or the Conservative movements, per se, but I also don't reject it whole cloth. I definitely look to Jewish law as a binding mechanism through which we Jews, a small people in this big world, can express our unique identity.

Reading List Time

Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays by Abraham Joshua Heschel, edited by his daughter Susannah Heschel--a wonderful compilation of some of the many speeches and essays that Dr. Heschel gave that are as fresh today as the day he gave them. If you are looking for authentic spirituality (instead of the quick fix), Heschel is place to turn to learn, be inspired, and to act.

Love Your Neighbor And Yourself: a book about personal ethics by Rabbi Elliot Dorff Rabbi Dorff is the rector of the University of Judaism and is a distinguished professor there, as well as being a beloved figure in the Jewish world. His books, a series of them, delve into communal and indvidual ethics, as well as the Jewish outlook on matters of life and death.

A Tale of Love and Darkness: by Amos Oz, a personal memoir of his immigrant parents, growing up in Israel, and how Jewish history of recent 150 years intertwines with his family--touches on some of the great figures of 19th and 20th Century Zionism and Israel, told in a vivid voice. Friends who have read it in Hebrew said that the Hebrew edition is wonderful. This is an accomplished translation by Nicholas Lange.

And the daily dose of Israeli newspapers online, critical to the pending disengagement from Gaza. Yediot Ahranot is now online at ynetnews.com.

Shavua tov,

A beautiful Shabbat day in Los Angeles. This morning there was a bat mitzvah at the Library Minyan. Eve Havivi, the second of four sisters, read the entire parasha--not the triennial (one-third), but the whole thing. Very impressive. Equally impressive were the words that her mother used when she gave her daughter the tallit that the daughter had made with a noted artist, Wanda Peretz. Also the words that her father shared with her as well were quite beautiful. At the end of the Torah reading, an elderly woman passed out--she looked dead to me the moment I saw her. Fortunately, her pacemaker restarted and she began to breathe again. Paramedics came and the service was interrupted while people attended to her. It was strange--to go from such a joyous event to one filled with tension about the woman, coupled with the usual synagogue chit-chat that people engage in. Once she was on her way to the hospital, the service resumed and concluded normally. After there was a great lunch (sit down even!) upstairs. The family included four set tables for people who normally come to the minyan but weren't "formally" invited to the bat mizvah. We were formally invited by the family at the end of services--a very nice touch. Also the first two aliyot were reserved for congregation members. What that means is that the family held the bat mitzvah in community, and recognized that it happens in community. Even though many of the people were their invited guests, the community was also part of the celebration. A good model for other congregations and people holding b'nai mitzvah.

After services, Yuval and I were sitting outside talking to some friends. My other friends, with whom I'm close to them and their children, had told one of their sons about us. His name is Yonah, and I've known him since he was very little. He was always a special friend...anyway, he came up to us, told his friend that we were gay, and proceeded to ask which one of us wore the veil and which wore the tux, or did we both wear the tux, and who was the man and who was the woman--and a series of questions of that ilk. We answered him seriously, he was happy with his answers, and he was on his merry way. And we were quite bemused!!!

On occasion, I've been asked what I'd like on my "wish list" for books. And well, the answer is simple: I want the Steinsaltz Talmud, the folio size, in Hebrew (the old edition, not the new one).

I'm also looking for a complete set of the Mishnah Torah in Hebrew with the kesef mishnah.

So that's why I'm not posting to an Amazon wishlist because, well, these are specialized books.

The other day I walked into a Jewish bookstore here in LA and wasn't wearing a kipah. The guy kept eyeing me the whole time, especiallly since I was looking at books written in Hebrew, and only in Hebrew. He couldn't figure me out. One of the problems with buying these books, which are known as "Sefrei Kodesh" is that they are usually sold by Orthodox booksellers who do not (or refuse to carry) books by authors who are not Orthodox. Sure, you can find many of these books in Barnes and Noble these days, but it would be nice if there was a bookstore that was about k'lal Yisrael, the greater people Israel. By the same token, it would be nice if more liberal Jews were interested in studying serious Jewish texts.

One of the great ironies of books these days is that there are all of these so-called books on kabbalah by the so-called "Rav" Berg from the Kabbalah Center. These books are always filed in Judaica, even though Berg says that his version of Kabbalah is universal and distinctly NOT a Jewish phenom. Whatever. They should be filed under cult and easy answers.

The Orthodox do hospitality better than anyone in the Jewish world, though. And we could learn much from them. Whenever you go into a strange Orthodox synagogue, you are (almost) always going to be invited to a meal. That's why Aish, Chabad, and other ortho outreach organizations do such a good job: they are welcoming and they provide connections, which, when I think about it, is what most people are looking to religion: connection to people, connections to God.

I've been meaning to do some studying this summer of what interests me--and haven't been successful yet because the house always needs to be cleaned. Well, house, I'm giving up on you and going back to my books.

Last night I went to a screening of a work in progress called "Praying with My Legs" which is about Abraham Joshua Heschel. If you want some good reading, pick up his seminal work "The Prophets." I promise you you will be moved. Also pick-up "The Sabbath."

Shabbat Shalom!

Another earthquake today in SoCal...but I didn't feel it. On Sunday I felt the one that was 20 miles south of Palm Springs because I was just a few miles east of Palm Springs. I wonder what the folks back in the time of the Bible felt like when they experienced acts of nature--just think what thunder and lightening could do to someone who had no idea what caused it! Imagine if Mt. Sinai exploded like Mt. Saint Helens did in Washington State.

The summer reading is continuing--and a little lighter than the school year. In terms of the heavy stuff, I'm studying the Mishnah Torah. You might ask what the heck is that? That's the compendium of Jewish practice and laws that Maimonides put together in the 1200s. It's not on Amazon's bestseller list, but if you're going to be a rabbi, I recommend it.

I'm specifically looking at the laws and regulations relating to prayer.

More later....

Done reading "The Kite Runner" and "Joy Comes in the Morning" by Jonathan Rosen (Joy). Jonathan is married to Mychal Springer, a rabbi/dean at JTS in New York. The protagonist is a young HUC grad and she is profoundly human. All synagogue boards should read such a book.

Meanwhile, back to the Beverly Hills Library today for more books, DVDs and CDs as I continue to overdose on the world outside of my HUC bubble. For the first time in three+ years it's time for TIME OFF. As in no school work, no real work, no worrying about the outside world. I have my comfy chair, my glass of Two Buck Chuck, and my reading list. It's summer at the beach, without the beach.

I'm hoping that I'll have some time to reflect on what is going on in my keppy with respect to this whole amazing process of becoming a rabbi. But in the meantime, I've got some reading to do!

Highly recommended film: Walking on Water, an Israeli film directed by Eytan Fox. See it if possible.